Missouri death
highlights dangers of bullying
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO. — The bedroom bears the telltale signs of a typical boy
on the cusp of his teen years: discarded food wrappers, video game consoles,
clothes scattered on the floor. The disarray hides tragedy inside the suburban
Kansas City home. The room is a memorial to 12-year-old Brandon Myers, who
killed himself in February 2007.
For Kim Myers, Brandon's death is the result of what she calls incessant
bullying that her son's teachers and other administrators at Voy Spears Jr.
Elementary School failed to stop. "He was teased in class on the day he
died for acting depressed," said Myers, a single parent. "He was
screaming for help. If he had got the help he needed, he would still be
alive."
Teen suicide has long been
considered one of the greatest risks faced by vulnerable adolescents. But an
increasing number of mental health experts are warning that younger children
such as Brandon are also susceptible.
A nationwide survey of more than 15,000 students in grades six to 10 showed
that 30% reported experience with bullying -- 11% as targets, 13% as bullies
themselves and an additional 6% who said they had been both aggressor and
victim. The survey was published in 2001.
Nationally, more than 3,000 children ages 10 through 14 committed suicide
from 1995 through 2004, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention. In Missouri, 34 children in that age group took their own lives
from 2001 through 2005, state records show.
Many of the details of how Brandon was harassed -- and the school's
response -- are incomplete. Myers has hired an attorney and said she planned a
wrongful-death suit against the Blue Springs School District. She and her
ex-husband, Brandon's father, don't want to jeopardize the pending lawsuit by
discussing it publicly.
A lawyer for the school district said officials would discuss only
Brandon's "educational experience" with the Associated Press, and
then only with his parents' permission.
The case is not without precedent. In 2005, a teenager from Tonganoxie,
Kan., who was bullied for years by classmates who believed he was gay, was
awarded $440,000 in a settlement against his school district. The young man,
who says he is not gay, was harassed with homophobic slurs from seventh grade
until he quit school his junior year.
The direct link between bullying and those self-inflicted deaths is
impossible to determine. But as in the case of Megan Meier -- a 13-year-old
suburban St. Louis girl who committed suicide after receiving cruel messages on
her MySpace page -- the social pressures that drive some children to suicide
are immense, said bullying expert Hilda Quiroz.
"Schools are social settings," said Quiroz, a former teacher who
now works for the Westlake Village, Calif.-based National School Safety Center.
"And in social settings, there are kids who wield power."
Bullying victims direct their anger in two directions, Quiroz said: at
themselves or toward others, including their tormentors. "Children
sometimes turn inward and hurt themselves, or they turn outward and bring
weapons to school," she said. For Brandon, life didn't come easy. Born
with a cleft palate, he endured several corrective surgeries that improved his
smile but didn't get rid of a speech impediment.
His parents divorced when he was 5. Diagnosed with attention-deficit
hyperactivity disorder in the third grade, and later with depression, he took a
daily chemical cocktail to combat those impulses and he saw a counselor outside
school.
In the days and weeks leading up to his suicide, Brandon dropped several hints
to classmates and teachers that his troubles might have grown life-threatening,
Kim Myers said. She didn't learn of those warning signs until it was too late.
The day after Christmas would have been Brandon's 13th birthday. His
absence made the holiday a painful one for his older brother and sister and his
parents too. "This is the first year he's not been around," said his
father, Randy Myers. "We're struggling."
Down the block from Brandon's house, a solitary plaque marks his shortened
life, a tribute to the passion that drove him to awaken in the predawn darkness
each morning so he could fish at the neighborhood lake before school. "Forever
Fishing," the plaque reads. "Brandon Myers." Fishing was an
escape for Brandon. He would go fishing with his buddy Trystyn, or with his
mother's boyfriend at nearby Lake Lotawana. Summertime meant bullfrog-hunting
trips with his grandfather in southwest Missouri.
Inside Trystyn Wagner's home, toy frogs of all shapes and sizes surround a
hallway display of baseball cards, fishing photos and other reminders of his
late best friend. A few days before Brandon's death, the two friends argued
over a girl. They quickly patched up the dispute, but guilt from that encounter
and its proximity to Brandon's suicide hangs over Trystyn, his mother said.
How to Stop Bully ?
So, here we are at
square one again. If the broad-brush approach to stigmatizing bullys by their
peers hasn’t worked, what will? The answer might be found in building the
willingness of those bystanders to intervene on behalf of the victim and
against the bully. Further, this must be done by a majority of the bystanders
since only small number probably won’t change the bully’s actions, especially
if those who do intervene don’t come from the bully’s peer group. It is also
important to remember that the actions of the bystanders are not always based
on support, but also on fear.
Most of the science being done in this area support this type of approach.
Unfortunately, it might also be more a matter of scientist’s wishful thinking
than reality. After all, when a bully is targeting a victim, who is going to
micro-analyze the field of bystanders to determine which are passive onlookers
and which are actively supporting the actions of the bully.
One approach that might be of some benefit is one that has grown in
effectiveness in Finland called KiVa, which is aimed at identifying those who
are actively involved in bullying–ringleaders, sidekicks, and victims–and
putting them through a series of discussions that highlight these roles. There
is considerable debate over whether such an approach would work in the United
States, especially given the amount of diversity here, but considering that
nothing else has worked, it might be worth the effort.
An important factor in the effectiveness of this approach is the staff of
schools who monitor classrooms, hallways, and other areas where bullying takes
place. More importantly, this approach will require that the members of school
staffs rethink the social landscape of their schools with an eye towards
identifying who plays what roles and stopping them when bullying occurs.
Unfortunately, this approach might result in a palatable groan from the
members of school staffs who are clearly overwhelmed with the responsibilities
that they are already burdened with. Further, how can a staff that is primarily
responsible for teaching a subject be expected to monitor social landscapes as
well? Shouldn’t parents and other play a role as well?
The trouble with this is that parents don’t often see their youngsters when
they are interacting with schoolmates. There is also the issue of being
unwilling to admit that their child is the problem, not the solution, which
brings the conversation back to teachers. Bullying prevention is yet another
big job that we can ask teachers to take an active role in, but it must be
done, especially if there will be any chance of the problems associated with
bullying can be minimized, if not made a thing of the past. This is How to Stop
a Bully now!
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